What a difference…

a break makes.

Sorry for the silence, but there really hasn’t been much happening in our neck of the woods.  Well, I’m not certain that’s entirely true.

SW is in the final stages of preparing to teach her first course of college kids this semester (her first class is this Thursday).  She is so cute and professorly putting her slides together, trying to figure out what scale she is going to grade on, and how she is going to test their knowledge throughout the semester.  I kind of wish I could sit in on one of her classes one day, and just see her in action.  Luckily, I am not one of her students, otherwise I would probably not pass the class considering I would be crushing on her the entire time.  tee-hee.  But I digress.

Despite a bit of sadness over taking a break, I must say, at least for me, it’s like night and day.  The clouds have lifted from the sky, and in some ways, I feel free.  I think maybe SW does feel free as well, she even stopped POAS around day 12, and put the monitor away in a drawer.  At first, I thought maybe she should still do that, since the monitor grows sensitive to your cycles and can predict more accurately.  But I know for her, if we were going to break, it was going to be a complete one.  No need for reminders.

In the end,  it just wasn’t going as we had planned, which was the first issue.  On top of the other stressors we had in our life, it probably wasn’t the best time to add this one as well (not that there ever is a perfect time to start this process), which we ended up focusing so strongly on in an effort to avoid the other stressors and adjustments we needed to make since moving here.  And when we started tallying the cost of 6 months of appointments, trying, consultations, etc, we realized that we were sacrificing certain financial goals that were really important to us.

At first we decided if we were going to do this, we were going to do it all out.  But now, looking back, and the costs that we incurred (at first insurance was going to pay, then not, then yes, then not, then some, and they did pay for some, but now, nothing, and we actually owe even more for things that were covered, and now been denied).  Honestly, I never wanted to do “baby on a budget”.  Though SW has been really good throughout the years for me in making me realize that I don’t always need the best of everything (she was the oldest of 7, I was the youngest of 2, and seven years separated my sister and I, so in essence, I was like an only child and was treated as such), there are times when I feel that spending extra money is warranted, and this was one of those times.  But now, looking back, and beginning to look forward on how our next tries might proceed, baby on a budget is definitely looking more like the way i want to go.

How long will the break last?  I have no idea.  I’m not certain SW does either.  In my mind, I think I would like to not start up again until the beginning of the year.  Between her class, applying for grants, trying to get research papers published, etc…between me trying to find a way to like my job, to truly learn and understand who I am (there are many things that have come to light in terms of realizations about myself…mainly how I have never really felt like I am worth fighting for…stemming from some confidence and insecurity issues), and to be comfortable with the idea that we are going to be in this place (location-wise) for a while…  Let’s just say that in the 3 weeks since we put TTC on the shelf, I have learned and realized more about myself than ever before.  And it’s good to be able to focus on that stuff, and for SW and I to support each other in these endeavors, and not have TTC hanging over our heads.

So, here we are.  The kids are back, and campus is a plethora of activity.  I’m slowly getting some things done at my job, while still painful, but is a work in progress.  I’m also starting to seriously consider going back to school, since I believe I have found my fellow people on this campus, and they appear to be residing in the Urb*n Pl*nning department.  It’s a field I’ve had a lot of interest in the last few years, and I believe now, I’m finally going to do something about it.  We’ll see.

That’s about it.  Thanks to everyone for their support, and just so you know:  SW and I were following the same, and yet different, blogs throughout this time.  For those that SW would leave a lot of comments on – she’s been taking a break from reading any of the blogs (in fact, I believe she deleted her RSS feeds), though it doesn’t mean that she isn’t thinking about you all.

I will hopefully come up with better and funnier things to blog about in the future. 

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